I wasn’t going to write this. I had something very different in mind for this blog. But then something happened. A young man died today. His death touches the hearts of two people in my family: my brother, whose best friend is the young man’s father, and my nephew, whose best friend was the young man.

They’re devastated. What can I say to them? Nothing.

Feeling sorry for someone has always felt to me like spreading more pain. It seems violent. I won’t do it. So I’ll love instead. I’ll send love to everyone involved and to me too. Love is stronger than sadness. It’s stronger than being brave. Love goes to depths that sadness and bravery can’t touch. Mine will come out as smiles, tears, joy and heartbreak, because love is all of these things.

I’m going to live in, and from, and with my love so that words aren’t necessary. My support and deep concern will be understood, with no need for advice or words of consolation. I will live love.

I will be gentle and kind to myself by not rehashing “what ifs” and “I wonder whys” in my head, and in doing so, I’ll be inviting my brother and nephew into peace. I can’t make them come in, but I”ll leave the door open. I won’t dwell on what they long for tonight, I won’t imagine what they must be going through. I won’t let my mind create fairytales of losing my own best friend, or of my best friend losing a child. These things are not gentle or kind.

I’ll focus on what’s true right now instead of what I think. I’ll love what’s true. How could I not? It’s everything. And it’s perfect, no matter what anyone thinks. It doesn’t concern itself with living up to our expectations.

This is what I can do. It’s the only way I know how to live in peace. Everything that happens is here to help, maybe not in the way we expect or understand, but in a way that is true. If I don’t want to suffer or to encourage suffering, I will love what happens. And I will live from a place of love.